I decided to walk back on my street which is empty then can get Payu to be off leash without worrying about the car. They do play a little while then Payu need a break for water. Ploy Din followed us to the house she look like anyone pet but probably lost her way to go home. I let her sitting in front of my door and get her water and snack she look hungry but not eat any dog food till i put on the ground. I told her that be there and i will think about she can be in the house or not.

she was sitting there, walk around and return. she look like one who need a house!!! so, I opened my door for Ploy Din and start call her Ploy Din. Then I back to do my work, all kids seem fine but Babe don’t like much of new comer, I just move him to be under my desk and tell Ploy Din to be by the door. Ploy Din seem know what she have to do and slept by the door all night. Ploy Din probably think it’s better than sleep out with mosquitos even I put one mosquito coil outside when she was sitting there about an hour. I put Ploy Din image on my facebook and share to some friends. just in case there are someone looking for her now!!!! Ploy Din mean Earth Gem, The dusty special gem!!!! If she stay longer I will wash her up, I like her eyes and the way she smile but not confide enough to leave her sleep down here with Babe…..

I was  tear again when I’m wrote Editor page!! Specially Thanks for Andrew who always support me and Payu Pinn my baby I love you,,, and You ” Leela Neena” who always with me when I’m working all night!!

–

The idea of the 2011 APNSW calendar come from our members who keep on fighting and keep standing up for the rights that we deserve as we are too human. We are together to fight

for our rights, for access that we deserved,to see the process of changing which are now getting clearer and better. We are part of the solution.

Each pages show our friends pretty faces and messages that come up from many meeting, rally, talked & talk – time and time again. I do believe as my friend said “Together We Can”.

The process of making this calendar happen at the Sex Worker pre-meeting of the Asia Pacific Regional Consultation on Sex Work and HIV which we co-organised with UNFPA and UNAIDS in Pattaya Thailand, October 2010.

Thanks to UNFPA for partnering with us for organising the consultation so we can work together with sex workers and other UN organisations to advance our health and rights.

This calendar’s show our journey that we are together, we keep on supporting each other, Yes together we can.

Love all of you,

Dale

APNSW Media Director

I’m by the beach that where thouse who call them self high level that they doesn’t feel safe enough to have meeting in Bangkok but they all want to have HOLIDAY meeting in Thialand!!

After these few month that I have not directly talk to them ‘cos even giant bitch sitting in my office, she have not even look at me when I walk pass by ‘cos I’m Asian or just um-important one in these organization…

Just a boyfriend of head whore who have multi-task to create work but being alcoholic & dark-skin & poor!!!

So, today i look at email and can answer my self what different from Fund-Funder : Capitalist : Pimp

I have a little knowledge about English, I learn my English from American Sailor man,  English Local Newspapers Editor, An Australian ex-Drug user!!!

So, I was not sure when people who cal themselves that the are high-level asked some of my friends that are they understand well enough about talking to their life in front of high-level people??

Have they even have a little bit of thought that are the who being high level know about us enough to listen to whom who live our life as ourselves, be with community whole of our life.

If you do really wanna work with sex workers then listen to them,, if you think you are high level and holding money in your hand, you want to hire them to do what you like to see what you like to hear you got it,,

Everything you want you got it,, ‘cos we do treat our clients the same way,,, pay us we be what you want us to be but we are not selling cheap for those stupid demand,,, please excuses for my english i’m not a native and i learn English from my clients!!

Next couple days Waking up in the mid of the night with feeling a bit weird got about 4 hrs sleep from 10pm now I’m up and wireless not working, my head just so empty. I might too exciting about this morning yes, what tomorrow will bring? In Mandalay now sitting in my hotel room listen to the rain and thinking about dinner, it was at BBQ, Ah-ha Seem like all my Burmese friends really love it, I’m fine with BBQ just feel a little too much on MSG in their sauce anyway there are some different here like lotus root and baby potato grilled & fried them, not too bad really just feel a little numb in my mouth. The vegetable here is so nice,, we had fried tip plant which best for today. So, I can’t sleep anyway,, nothing on TV, I try to write something for my next film…

4.47am I don’t think I can go back to sleep thinking about visiting Mahamuni Buddha Temple but not to bother KT and did not dare to go out alone when i just was in town only 10hrs over night.

We started morning with going to Thaung phyone ‘The NAT festival’ area which 45 mins drive from town. Everything was fine till we got there it’s start raining and we were driving on muddy alley in festival,, Am I going to walk in mud?? Yes, of course ‘cos no where else!! So, it was showering and walking path was already muddy maybe since last night, lots and lots of people walking around buying food, going to main temple. Mostly people stayed in temporary place which made from bamboo,, Only little number of people who really live here. KT said normally the town so empty this village only make profit once a year during festival beside work on farm. This festival bring people around Myanmar here. After I heard it was flooding last year I don’t want to think about the red mark on mud from people who chew beetle nut, pile of garbage and oh!!! No!!!

The surprise today is U-Bien bridge the longest teak bridge which i did not plan for this trip but KT told the drive to drove to somewhere that i couldn’t catch and she said it will be a surprise!! anyway, it was heavily raining at the end of the day so, they were plan to take me to Ayeyarwadee for Sunset but seem like no one can set the nature, of course!!!

I just be sure hate rainy season ‘cos it’s just keep raining whenever i’m out to in town… so I never get chance for fullmoon at Swedagon paya,, also was raining on the day that I follow Thura to public toilet when he do out reach work talk to boy and give education on HIV,, was interesting that they use public toilet as cruising place but I don’t think i could do that Ha-ha well, i still have smell up on my nose,, Gee!! Somebody get me wine please!!!

Anywho I decided to sat down Drink Chardonnay & Use my Lomo!!

So, I would save over 20,000 Baht for more Alcohol, right?

Anyway that email subject is “Well you will love your love your Boy/Girl friend much more (The Must To Be Read) Was cry after read this.

Mail body start with “For Lady who have love… as a core of life”

and text from some part of funeral book of young lady who have known love and end with love.

So, I start read that story ‘cos I’m respect in the love & the death, actually I’m more interesting about how she died why people feel so touchy when love is all around and death is part of life.

The story go like part of diary with date and what was going on, she wrote for her friends that she was scare and so lonely when she spend her day waiting for her husband to come home after work, sat & cried after phoned her husband and heard some loud music, also some of his word that she wrote he is the first one & only for her but ‘he said, if not happy she can re-think….’ She depressed & lonely and give up about life & say good bye to friends and leave them a mission message after she gone like a letter for her mother, want to use wedding dress for her funeral… she cried again and said her husband thought she is a psychotic that being lonely & cried while wait for him to come home after work.

The story did not tell what kind of her or his job, Only said that herself feel so lonely at work in front of MD & had lunch box alone and the night that she was at hospital, He was working at client’s garden in Rama III with 50 missed call from her last time he was answer her phone and told her to stop calling and he was on express way & nearly be home. He said stop calling ‘cos he was driving,,, she kept crying, she scare and need him to be home… there is one underline on this long story that telling about this woman back to hospital with the same reason that was the thing that make me read a whole thing carefully and try find the link how she died? and why people think this story so touchy?

So, she passed away at hospital with overdose and bleeding from cutting on her wrist!!

A letter to her mother in this email said ‘she’s feeling so stupid with her love, she loves her mother but can’t stand it anymore, so headache and would be crazy if her husband have someone else she rather to die’

A letter to her husband ‘please forgive me it was not you false, you are the best in my mind I do love you very much…………………. will be no more disturb from me, forget about me there will be no me,, you never understand me,,, just love somebody else,, there is no me telling yourself there was never been me….’

She was 24 years & 9 months old

There are some other part from this email which refer to the funeral book from her mother wrote this could be her mistake that she never get her daughter to learn about “disappointment”

From her husband “…..he doesn’t want anyone else, willing not to marry anyone, so said that he’s loosing her which after what he doing but he seem to did not do enough for her………..

and some other part from her close friends that they feeling sorry and guilty that they have no time to be with this lunatic girl who plan to commit suicide and leave message to blame everyone else. Each time people around her thinking of her with feeling sad and sorry that they did not keep her companion but only thing she talked with was her diary. Only one successful in her life is a suicide plan after she graduated with golden honor. The loneliness kill no one,, So, she was not mental illness and I can’t find love from her but selfish. Even get her mother feeling sorrow & guilty, like she did not care for person who taking care of her till finish university and marry then commit suicide. A mother who gonna live with sadness for life.

Next two days I have another forward email from my friend, subject “God’s Sake Transgender went to funeral” this one have no wording but photo that give me big smile & cheerful there are nearly 40 pictures that Transgender and gay boys dress up for their friend funeral, some doing big hair-do like Thai Hi-Society that we normally see on magazines, wearing traditional Northern style dresses or 60′s, Fabulous flowers work and They were doing Traditional Thai dancing at the funeral ceremony.
This is kind of huge memorial with happy tear when you think about friend who pass away. There were tear at funeral and this is last thing that they all can do for friend.

There are so much differences on this 2 emails, first one for people to read and feeling sorrow. second one stigma and making fun on respected in friendship of transgender fellow!!

The Love and The Death, I just only hope that the transgender who pass away did not do commit suicide too!!

That probably show more clearly about situation & life in SE Asia!!

Tomorrow there are guests coming to stay over, i just cleaning the office where i was sleeping to Payu, clean shower room & toilet also a bit wrap up on G-floor. In a greeting season like this I miss my maid so much, Aye who help keep dollhouse clean and organize and not touching my messy table also not try to ironing my clothes!! She passed away 5 months ago with cancer. Was sad and now pity with myself that i do cleaning once a month. I was traveling nearly every month. Anyway this late night on bed, new sheets feel nice even still mess like a couple year before. it’s night that i sleep alone, Payu is on 2nd floor she have not shower for a week after dropped flea control medication. anyway it’s already 6am and I probably up soon to see my guests!! also have to hang bed sheets with in laundry now!! I hate house work!!